Coach Them Out: How to Influence Someone Out of Toxic Beliefs

You won’t argue your uncle off the internet or your friend out of a high-control group with facts alone. People change when it’s safe to be curious, when their dignity stays intact, and when reality gets a quiet chance to speak. That’s the premise and the promise of Coach Them Out.

After forty years inside a high-demand religion, I didn’t wake up because someone crushed me in a debate. I woke up because wise friends asked better questions, widened my information circle, and never forced the pace. As an executive coach working with companies you’ve heard of, I’ve used the same non-coercive tools to help leaders and teams rethink stubborn beliefs without burning the relationship.

This is your field manual for influencing ethically: consent first, pressure never. You’ll learn how to lower defensiveness, build trust on purpose, and invite tiny, fair, reversible experiments that let reality do more of the persuading.
Inside, you’ll get:

• Quick wins you can use this week; scripts for family tables, DMs, workplaces, and high-control contexts.
• OARS micro-skills (Open questions, Affirmations, Reflections, Summaries) to keep conversations warm and productive.
• First-invitation playbooks that open doors without a duel.
• Widen the information circle; pairings and practices that loosen information control (the “I” in the BITE model).
• Productive discrepancies; identity-safe ways to let people notice gaps between claims and reality.
• Negotiating small experiments (T.R.U.S.T.: Tiny, Reversible, Unambiguous, Symmetric, Time-boxed).
• When it gets spiky; de-escalation moves borrowed from hostage negotiators.
• Quiet exits & aftercare; practical steps, checklists, and rituals to rebuild community and meaning.